Bob's comments on hw3 pre-final version

AIR

Nice opening – make sure that you render this in higher res for the final version.
00:25 – guy on left’s hands go through his arms.  Breaks belief.  Choose a different gesture.  In general, you should spend a little time and put gestures in all of them.  It is just too boring.  Also, it is slow mo.  Kind of weird.
00:48 – more gestures.  Also, why are they looking at the camera?  When the guy speaks they should look at him.  Lastly some closeup s would be nice.  Like when he says there is something in the air.
1:12 – they all seem to be looking weird.  Did you set the look at in your script file? 
1:14 – that shot from behind is so short, it is distracting.  It is an interesting shot and gives you context.  You should have all of the turn their heads and look at the screen when the music starts coming on.  But, I’d give the viewer more than 1 second to get the idea. 
2:16 – like the guy on the screen.  Very nice.  Also, the cut to the back shot works.  I’d recommend that you frame ROB talking so there isn’t so much space above.  Just move the camera down and do a midshot.  I’d also make his eyes go left and right, maybe move his head left and right.  It is weird that he just keeps staring to the right.
2:29 – ROB unit – need to make him more animated.  Move his head.  Do gestures.  Get some life (ahem…) into him.
2:56 – could use some closeups of Rob talking.  That one shot is awfully long.  Or show the guys listening to him, with their reactions.  More shots more shots.
3:12 – using the flying thing is great.  But you need to make the three guys all back up when they see it.  They should be scared and not just stand there.
3:22 – Rob starts talking – get the guys to look at Rob.
3:30 – extreme closeups are terrific!!  It is so grainy I can’t really see him fall.  Make sure that looks good.  Grabbing his chest would be good if you can get him to do it.
3:50 – why doesn’t the character look at ROB when he is talking.
4:00 – GESTURES!!!!  He is just hanging there.
4:34 – maybe have the reaction be the guy smiles.
4:43 – ok.  So, he offers them refreshments.  Then says that they can go to their quarters.  This doesn’t make sense.  When I first watched it, I was struck by how this was odd.  Either add a line: after refreshments, you may go to your quarters….  Something like that.  Then instead of walking in the distance, they can walk to their left toward the refreshments and you can fade to black.  The audience knows what is happening.
Note – this time the footsteps work.  It is a metal floor and seems to fit with the environment.  But make sure that they aren’t too loud and distracting.
4:52 – not sure what is going on here, maybe not filmed yet.
7:33 – and we are back!!  Like the flash light thing.  Nice thing with the monsters.
9:40 – make sure that when you see him in the monitor he is using lots of gestures. 
Music too loud, can’t hear lines.  It has to be totally clear to the audience that the lines are talking about the guy that escaped.  Maybe you need: Subject that has escaped is being ….  Just make it clear to the audience. 
10:04 – our friend is back putting his hands through his arms.  A distinct gesture like that is good as it reminds you of the other guy.

TransOrbis – was it your intent to make the live action seem a little washed out?

1:43 – You are inside a character.
1:49 – framing.  Very strange shot.
2:13  - dancing to get into his seat. 
2:21 - ?? do I look a little lost and confused.  I’m not sure what he says before that.  The line feels weird.  Is he starting a conversation with her?  But why say that?
3:00 – the bird sounds are a bit over the top.  Ok in the beginning, but once he walks on you don’t need to add it back.
3:45 – maybe some more closeups in this conversation.
4:05 – something a little weird about her walk.
4:15 – I don’t think that it is totally clear that it is darker in there.  Maybe push it a bit more.  The crows is good.  The change in music is good.  Just make sure that it looks creepier.  I believe that you all said at one point that it would be dark AND the cubes would start disappearing.  Maybe that would help.  Big empty space.
5:35 – faceless guy.  Closeup.  Make him freak out as well.
6:08 – maybe reduce the volume on the footsteps for the whole sequence.
6:13 – hard to hear the lines.  Need to pump them and reduce vol on the music, but it is important to have the music there.  It works.
6:59 – again, I couldn’t hear his line.
7:38 – this whole running scene is GREAT.
8:40 – you need a line – I love you or something.

Darkened Room

Opening dialog – music too loud, can’t hear the dialog.  Opening scenes are great.
0:44 – need to move the framing down, so less empty space above his head.
Not sure what you did to make it have black bars around the whole scene.  You should be careful of this.  Unless that is a style , it is better to not do it.
1:06 – this whole dialog needs to be louder.  Hard to hear.
1:20 – need to trim this out.  Keep pacing up.
1:25 –walking is crazy.  You could make him walk slower, but go straight for the door. It is distracting.
1:42 – framing again.  Too much space above head.  No gestures at all.  Get him to move his arms around.
2:01 – all of the doors open automatically. Kind of odd. 
2:05 – walks through the camera
2:30 – get rid of footsteps or tone them down a ton.  He is running on dirt or grass.
2:45 – the cows not moving is distracting. 
2:50 – the alien comes out and is obvious an alien.  What about just see him streak by.  Can’t really recognize it.  Tighten this whole scene so the pacing is much tighter.
2:55 – What the hell.  NO gestures?  This is a bit weird.
3:11 – the blank room with just the words is weird.
3:25 – cut a few frames where you see the sheriffs standing.  When you cut in they should be moving already.  You could even cut a second or two so you just have them walking up to him.  You could also do a fade to black so you know time passed.
3:32 – excellent framing
3:35 – framing, too much space above.
GESTURES during the talking.
3:52 – fix the second sheriff’s walk.
4:45 – there is a bad couple of frames mixed in there. 
4:48 – more weird cuts in there.
5:00 – jitter.
5:4* - need to fix the framing.  You all keep putting way too much space above the characters.  Zoom in closer.
6:00 – this whole scene you might want some underlying music that is creepy.   Add some stuff so you get creeped out.
Also need closeups of their faces.
6:10 – the whole redemption is nigh.  The lines there are a little confusing.
NO NO NO NO.  Distracting.  Want the sheriff to shoot him.  He should be waving his arms around.  Freaking out.  Keep the pacing up.  Music should be getting to a crescendo.
Ending missing.  Host talking probably.

HoloLife

0:40 – careful of your framing.  When you have these longer shots, it would be good if there is more movement of their arms and stuff.  Maybe have him fold his or something.
0:45 – missing flowers.
0:58 – hands through head.  Now, it might be ok that this is there after all they are playing a game right?  Doesn’t have to be perfect.  Could think a bit about that.
1:09 – framing
1:17 – water.  Not sure that you really want the water sound in there when you can’t hear them talking anyway.
2:15 – lip sync is off.
2:38 – hands through head again.
Need some wooshing sounds during the fall.  Air flowing kind of thing.  It will greatly help the scene.
You know, it would be good if you could see them both falling together.
3:06 – can you fix the reflection issue?
Bridge scene is really nice.
3:34 – she suddenly looks so serious.  I’d keep it light and happy look on her face.
3:40 – make sure that while you are doing his dialog – that she is looking at him while talking.
3:54 – when he says I love you – it would be great if you could cut to her and have her smile for a reaction.   You don’t need to focus on him.
4:03 – there are a bunch of these two shots where there is an awful lot of space above – be careful of the framing.
4:50 – cut part of that pause out.  She disappears and immediately he should say caroline wait.
5:03 – bad cut.  Choppy.
That whole scene where he is saying caroline.  It would be better if there was more action.
The whole live action scene is really good.  Nice ending.
Suggestion – I like that whole dot thing in the beginning where it turns into a fuzzy screen.  Maybe you could end with that again as it fades out with them holding their hands, then you do the dots and the screen and then have the credits running over the fuzzy screen.  Not sure if it would look good or not, but it would kind of tie things together.
Also, I recommend that you take out the music underneath the U of U/EAE stuff and just continue with your music.

Cask

Take out the cs3660 stuff in the beginning.  Just put it at the end.  It is distracting and reminds everyone that this is a class project.  It is better than that!!!
0:27 – based on “A” story – shouldn’t it be “The” story?  That is what he called it right?
I think that you need a better way to do this.  The Cask of Amontillado
By Edgar Allan Poe
Adapted by ….
That way, you say that you changed it.  Let me think about the best way to do this.  It is the same story, just not the same dialog.
00:42 – as I said, it would be better if you knew the guy was there in the back.  Zoom in maybe?
1”10 – you break the 180 rule.  First left, then right, then behind.  It gets confusing.  Really nice framing by the way.
FOOTSTEPS!!!  TAKE THEM ALL OUT. 
No moon walking forward.  HA HA
1:56 – that cut was a bit distracting.  Maybe an extra frame in there.
2:02 – great shot there with the mid body.
2:10 – careful of the framing in this conversation.
2:38 – great shots here.
Your character acting here is great. Tons of gestures, etc.  It goes very well with the wonderful dialog.
3:19 or so – looks like his hand goes through the camera.  Be careful. 
3:48 – slow walking!!!
White web work on the walls. I don’t really see any.  Maybe too late to fix, but it would be good if it was more obvious.
5:36 – the connection point for the bottle is tough.  I don’t know if you can fix this.
6:00 – I think that you could trim a little here.  He just stands there and sound comes on then fade to black. Tighten it if you can.
7:17 – the cut behind them makes it a bit confusing because you cross the 180 (F is on the left then suddenly is on the right when you do the cut – so it is jarring – plus it is so dark, kind of hard to tell which is which)..  Not sure how to fix this, maybe you just leave it.  Also that whole conversation if you could get some closeups to break up the two camera angles it would make it more interesting.
7:54 – I hope that you can get the trowel in there.
Also, the chains/ropes would be nice if you can fix it.
8:22 – shot is a little weird when he moves his head into the camera.  Almost kind of a weird wide angle distortion.
8:44 – I think that by now you should have more blocks in there compared with previously.  Especially with the shot at 8:54 it looks like (because of the angle) that there should be more blocks.
9:20 – is there anything gpoing on here?  It is so dark.  What would be really cool is there to be just a little slit of light on one part of his body and then it disappears. As the dialog ends.
9:35 – ok, you need to fade to black and then give about 4 or 5 seconds and then show the credits.  It is too abrupt.  It is so powerful at this point.  You want the audience to be thinking about it before they start to read.  Really nice ending.
I’d tighten the credits.  There are gaps in there, just keep them rolling.  Also, maybe cut down on the spacing.  Also, you could change the fonts so the names are the same, but titles are smaller. That would save some as well.  Combine EP’s of Mark and me into EP – Me Mark.  Don’t bother to repeat the titles.  Also, you could put us at the end.  You all are the stars.
Need to keep the music going to the end.  Also, leave some black at the very end.
Nice job with this.
Just thought of something – it would be good if you had a barrel in the cell for him to see.  I noticed that the western team has barrels.

Unfortunate rescue

1:57 – you could have him run up to the ladder instead of walking.  It might mess the timing, but he could spend more time looking in the window.  Climbing would be cool, but maybe too hard.  But it is a little confusing that he is suddenly at the top and you don’t see it happen.
2:53 – I love how he goes into one barrel and comes out the other.
3:09 – when he hits the guy – she should react.  Put her hands up or something.
4:15 – the gray bandana – it would be good if you actually see all three guys get shot.  Or when she looks and see this she sees that all three are shot.
4:36 – rolling eyes is great.
6:04 – might be good to have a “boom” in there?  Although it might distract too much.
6:25 – would be nice if she starts off frowning and then starts to smile big time before she does her happy dance.
As we said in class.  Need to make it really clear that he is a ghost.
Nice job.

Stage – Serial Killer

Hate his walking.  If you can make it just go to the right place or make him loop more it would not be so distracting.